There are two stories that my daddy really loves to tell me. The first is how on their first date my mom kicked him down the stairs—You’ll have to ask him about that one someday—But the second one, though simpler, is the one I like the most.
Our conversation normally goes something like this:
Dad: “You know, I sure am glad your mother forced me to marry her…” *Insert silly grin on his face*
Me: *rolls eyes* “She didn’t actually force you, you know…”
Dad: “Of course she did! It wasn’t like I could let her go back to Grandpa Dekker!”
Me: “But she didn’t FORCE you.”
Dad: “Well indirectly she did..cause I couldn’t have lived without her….The only dumb move I made was that I didn’t marry her when I was 13 so that I could’ve been married to her longer…”
Cheesy, huh?
But it’s true. Dad and I have this conversation ALL the time! But as sappy as this is, the truth is that I couldn’t imagine a world where Mom and Dad didn’t end up married.
Mom’s path crossed Dad’s many times. Being as my dad is exactly 9 months older than Mom’s he always claims that when he was born God knew that he needed a good wife, and so Grandpa and Grandma Dekker got to work.
Grandpa Hofland (Dad’s father) was a pastor at the church in Zillah, WA where Mom’s family moved when she was 6. And though the Hoflands left Zillah before the Dekkers came, the Dekkers always heard plenty of stories about those mischievous Hofland boys, of which my dad was the ring leader.
Mom and Dad both went to Calvin in GR, Michigan, Dad a year above Mom. But school was too tough on Dad and so he made his way back to good ol’ CA while Mom graduated and stayed in MI to be a secretary at Calvin. Their paths crossed a few times in college (including one lovely story where Mom–the goodie two shoes–was caught sowing hearts on Dad’s underwear with a mutual friend and sticking them in the community freezer…), but they never got to know each other well.
But one day Dad headed back to Calvin to visit his younger brother, and in the hallway he ran into a young woman he knew. And he had just enough guts to ask her out for dinner.
There are some funny stories between here and there, but eventually long distance phone calls while washing the dishes led to Mom leaving to CA to help run the group home with Dad. And eventually the two of them got hitched on the 26th of February.
…ok, maybe not quite the overly romantic story you were hoping for…
But there is something incredible about this story that defines the way marriage should be when it is based in God’s love. And that is that despite all the hoops and hurdles that Mom and Dad had to jump through, they stayed strong together and had faith that things would work out.
What I didn’t tell you above is that on the day that my Dad drove all the way from CA to MI with a trailer to pick my Mama up and bring her home to CA, my mom was officially diagnosed with Multipe Sclerosis…Today my Momma can’t even sit up in bed, let alone walk. She has to be cared for in so many ways that honestly make life very difficult for my dad. But Dad knew this was a possibility the day that he came to get mom, and yet he didn’t let that stand in his way. He had faith that the Lord would provide anyways, as in fact He has. And he still let her force him to marry her.
I’m not saying Dad got the tough end of the deal in this marriage…heck, everyday my Mom puts up with the mess of the bee business, the bossiness of my dad, and she even honeymooned in an almond orchard cause my dad had to check the bees there…But there is something utterly incredible about the extent to which my father loves my mother that appears in his actions caring for her.
There was a time when I was in 5th grade that Mom was seriously sick in the hospital, so dad ran the business, took care of us kids, and drove 45 each way to go stay with my mom. And there are the nights when mom can’t physically help it and so my dad will wake up at 3am to change the bed sheets. He compromises his business plans so that he can be close to my mom when she needs help. He lifts her in and out of bed many, many times each day.
And so you can tell me that roses and fancy chocolates and long walks on the beach mean love…But I would give all that up in a heart beat just to have the love that my father shows to my mother. The love where is doesn’t matter what goes wrong because he will always stand by her side no matter how tough it gets, even when the world says he could have easily left her in the dust if he’d wanted to. This is true love.
My dad has to wear glasses to read now, and what little hair is left on his head is greying. And Momma’s head is what Dad calls “distinguished” in color. They are aging little by little. But they still love in a way that is unending. A love that truly reflects God’s love for us.
And so I leave you with this image: There is a silver haired beauty in a black wheelchair, laughing and giving my dad “that look” that says he is being immature and making a scene. And right next to her is a very tall, balding man. In one hand is his smart phone, playing a 1970s hit on Youtube, while the other hand holds the stickshift of the silver haired lady’s wheelchair. The man slowly dances around the room, waving his hand with the phone in that silly old-man sort-of dance, and using his hand on the control to spin my mom back and forth in her wheelchair. They are dancing like they have never danced before…And this is the most beautiful thing.
And as I watch, all I can think is that I’m so glad that that silver haired lady caught his eye and forced him to marry her.
Happy Anniversary to my dearest parents!
I thank God for the blessing and example that your marriage has been to me!
God is so good!
02/26/16
Proverbs 19:21 